Monday was extremely hot. You would have thought I'd have learnt my lesson. But once again I was in my car on the way to a minor league baseball game that started at noon. I set the standard the previous week driving 120 miles each way to Salisbury in Maryland, so the meager 190 mile round trip to Virginia's capital city was small fry. I just hoped I'd be in the shade this time. The Salisbury trip had taken its toll on both knees and arms, so much so that my skin had since peeled off in large flakes.
I realised I'd be safe from the sun as soon as I turned into the car park. The concrete bowl that loomed large in front of me was mostly protected from nature by a thick concrete roof, protruding out further than almost every ballpark roof I'd ever seen.
The game I'd come to see was Richmond against Harrisburg, or to be more precise, the Flying Squirrels versus the Senators, in Minor League Baseball's second tier (Double-A) Eastern League. This is where players, mainly between the ages of 18 and 25, vie for promotion to Triple-A, and maybe even the Major Leagues. More importantly, or so it seems, it's where people come to spend a lot of money on rubbish food and rubbish beer while taking little interest in the game and being "entertained" in-between innings.
This entertainment takes on many different guises depending on which ballpark you attend, but it usually involves animal costumes, little kids from the crowd and a guy with a microphone. Richmond do things slightly different.
For a start they tried to involve me, with the offer of a Miller Lite T-shirt. Now, I could have thought of many reasons to turn the girl down who asked me to join in, but once the words "Miller Lite T-shirt" entered the conversation, she'd lost me. And after witnessing what happened in the hours after, I'd never been as thankfully to hear the words “Miller Lite” in my life.
The competition started with eight blokes (all over 30, over weight and over confident) and two hula hoops in a relay race. There were four winners and eight losers, sorry, four losers.
The next break in play saw a table appear from the depths of the stadium, and the four remaining contestants sat down to a sub eating competition, in the company of a man dressed as a taco. All this while a man dressed as Robin Hood served the family in front of me with shriveled candy floss.
With half the game still remaining, and two men left standing after the forced eating, it was time for some fillers before the grand finale. The fillers didn't disappoint, as long as you're the kind of person who isn't disappointed by the sight of a man hugging a pig in the back of a pickup truck while another man throws objects into the lower deck (this happened twice).
Men dressed as peanuts, cashew nuts and Brazil nuts then race each other round the infield, with the peanut showboating to a win by crossing the finish line backwards. Oh, and a baseball game continued too.
Then, with the game tight going into the eighth inning, the crowd turned its attention back to the Miller Lite T-shirt competition; a dance off. Now even the players in the dugout seemed more interested in this than the baseball. This was probably down to it being contested on the roofs of the two dugouts, while Richmond's mascot, Nutzy (best described as a squirrel on steroids) joined in. The winner was the bloke who tried to do the splits. Emphasis on the word "tried". He won a handshake from Nutzy and then people started to leave. For the record, and for those people who left early, Harrisburg won 6-3. Shairon Martis (possibly the brother of Doncaster centre half Shelton Martis) picked up the win.
Returning to my car, far less red than the week before, my thoughts turned to food. I whittled my choices down to a sub or a taco. Maybe next time I'll pay more attention to the game!
"There were four winners and eight losers, sorry, four losers"
ReplyDeleteQuite. I think it's safe to say everybody involved was a loser - including - especially - Nutzy